Mind Body Spirit Presenter Robert Holden talks to us about Self Love. The more you love yourself, the more you notice how much life loves you. All you need is self love.
I once made a woman faint. Not in a good way. It wasn’t that sort of an occasion. Her name was Christine, a single mother, going through a divorce, suffering from several illnesses, including breast cancer. It was our third coaching session, and Christine had been talking for forty-five minutes straight, without taking a breath, reeling off all her faults, lamenting her past mistakes, and explaining why life was so hard.
Christine’s self-attack showed no sign of ceasefire. So, I decided to interrupt her volley with a deliberating provocative question: “What do you love about yourself?” I asked. Christine drew breath, rolled her eyeballs, flipped her head back, and keeled over. Thankfully, she regained consciousness quickly, thus alleviating any fear that I had killed my first patient!
“Loving myself is the last thing on my mind,” said Christine, still half-dazed. Christine’s life plan was: first get well, sort out her life, get a better job, earn more money, raise her daughter, buy her own home, collect her pension, and then love herself! According to Christine, self-love is a trophy you collect for crossing the finishing line. The point I made is that self-love is what you bring with you to the starting line, not the finishing line.
“I don’t know how to love myself,” said Christine. I told her that self-love is not a technique; it is an attitude. Therefore, self-love begins not with a question (How will I love myself?); but with an affirmation (I am willing to love myself). In other words, self-love starts with willingness, and especially the willingness to accept that loving yourself is a good thing for you, for your family, for your friends, for your partner/future partner, and for your life as a whole.
The willingness to love yourself transforms your relationship to your psychology. By affirming, “I am willing to love myself” you open yourself up to a level of thinking that you previously denied yourself. Self-love gives you access to a place in your mind that is free of self-attack in all its guises. Now, instead of making all your decisions based on fear, unworthiness and woundology, you are being guided by grace.
